note to self

Typing "Knock on Wood" on your blog has absolutely no effect on the future.

As I hit "publish" yesterday, the phone rang.
"Hello Lonster, this is the school nurse. Miss Sunshine just puked all over the school. Could you come pick her up please?"

When I got there, she told me in her high-pitched, sing-song, only-talks-to-sick-kids-all-day voice, that kids have been puking and leaving all day long. "Oh......you haven't gotten it yet? Well, you definitely have something to look forward to!"

Gee.....Thanks Lady.

My stomachs been knotted-up and gurgly for a couple days, but no puking. Maybe I'm super duper man, and the bug can't infiltrate my gnarly immune system. Knock on wood.

Oh yeah, that doesn't work........

welcome to the vomitorium

There’s something nasty going around, and its real gross. It got my little buddyman, then it got my darling wife. So far, miss sunshine and I have escaped its wrath. Knock on wood.
Its sad and crappy to see a little guys eyes roll back in his head as his body convulses through another dry heave. Yuck. The good news is, it’s a quickie. 24 hours and its totally over.

Just now, Mongikongy announced that he likes boobs so much that he flashes himself when he walks in front of a mirror.
I cant explain it.

My task for the day: Find out how much it costs to build a new 2-tower 40 story condominium with 6 levels of parking decks in downtown Atlanta.
Readyyyyyy…….BREAK!

jerks

There are some friggin annoying people surrounding me everyday.

The guy who sits at the next desk is Mongikongy, he's a forty-something pervert who looks like Uncle Fester. I eat a banana almost everyday, and he giggles and makes loud comments every damn time. I'm sure you can imagine the comments. I just call him an ass and keep on eatin.....This is the kind of dude that regularly interjects words like proctologist, anema, or ball sack into every sentence he says.

Then there's the engineers who sit on the other side of me. These doods are idiots. They all talk in this fake voice that they think is hilarious, but it isn't. They like to give each other sarcastic applause, make fart sounds, and screw around all day.

One of them, I'll call him Chongadong, doesn't clap or joke or make noises, but somehow manages to be the most annoying of all. He's like the spawn of Barney Fife and Cliff Clayvin. He acts all animated and makes faces like Barney Fife did when he was bragging to Andy, but he spouts out inane trivia and scientific facts like we should be impressed. It's awful I'm telling ya.

Then there's Bongrongianong. This guy looks like he's visiting for high school career day but he's in his mid-late 20's. He weighs like 100 pounds, but walks around like he can kick your ass. You know the type.

That describes 3 of the people who sit within 20 feet of me at work. Theres about a hundred more, but these 3 provide enough material to keep me amused and annoyed all day, everyday. Perhaps in the future I'll elaborate on these 3 characters, and introduce some others.

overalls

With long pants on, I finished putting all the decking on my deck. It was a little complicated because I had to notch lots of boards around posts and stuff, but….it looks rad. Next step…. the benches.

Saturday night, me and my darling went to town and saw Big Smith play. They’re a kick-ass hillbilly band with a huge following, and they were awesome. Next time we see’em, we’ll have to wear our overalls like everyone else. There was this one rural hipster there who was obviously trippin’ on mushrooms, and he kept getting right up in other peoples faces and screaming at the top of his lungs with primal bluegrass enthusiasm. Dude was wack. Most folks screamed right back and dismissed his behavior as uncontrollable glee, but when he horrified a young lady in a hippie hand dance trance, they hauled his butt out the door. That was pretty dang funny. This was the 1st time in about two years that we got to go out without kids and it was a blast.

The trees are freakin exploding with color right now…. the sun is at that perfect angle in the sky and the air has that smell and ahhhhhhhhhhh…….fall kicks butt!

I heard Maynard singing an ominous version of “imagine” on the radio this morning. A Perfect Circle must have a new CD coming out soon. Maynard’s a genius.

flappity flap slap

I’ve been too busy and over/underwhelmed to write anything lately, but today I’m writing. I’ve been preoccupied by :

1. My deck-which is about 2/3rds done and looks great. Its the last third that really counts when it comes to my long term satisfaction, so I better keep focus.
2. The presidential election- which is of course out of my hands but I hope that the humans are smart enough to make the right decision. I think that being a human comes before being an American, and only one of the candidates seems to agree with this philosophy. Tonight I’ll be watching the 3rd debate and waiting for Bush to blurt out, “Oh yeah! Well, you’re a big dummyhead!”
3. My kids- Mr Buddy is cranky because he’s cutting teeth and Miss Sunshine has lost both her front teeth and is learning to do “speed math”.
4. My family- My youngest brutha, Bobby Sugarpants, came from New York to visit and brought his girlfriend to meet everyone. She seems super cool. The entire extended family came and visited which was awesome, but slightly overwhelming.

This weekend I’ll be crafting more deckage, but now I’ll be wearing long pants.....It's cold man……..