Tis the Season

I’ve saved my vacation and piled it all up at the end of the year, so now I have just 2 days left and I’m done till January 5th. The only problem is that everyone wants their issues resolved NOW, so I’m working like a madman to get out of here. My darlin angel won the spelling bee in her class yesterday, and today she’s going up against the other 1st grade winners. She’s a smart little sweetie pie. Tomorrow night she’s playing Good King Wenceslas at her Christmas piano recital. She’s got it down pat and I can’t wait. My little buddy is doing great and rolling all over the place. He gets hiccups from laughing too hard when I get home everyday.

I’ll probably be a non-blogger for a few weeks, so you guys should read The Super Galactic Fantastic World Band over and over again, and post your comments and suggestions. I can dig some feedback… good or bad. Merry Christmas suckas! See ya next year!

Slappity Five

Over the past few months, I've been tinkering with an idea I have for a kids book. It's weird to work on because my natural rhythmic tempo doesn't typically result in simple rhymes. I didn't have a plan when I started writing this, I just let the story unfold by itself. If you read this, you'll notice that the story is obviously incomplete. Hopefully the rest will flow simply when I get to "the village of Glow" If anyone has any bright ideas or suggestions.....bring it on.


The Super Galactic Fantastic World Band

On a fantastic planet with rainbow skies
is a magical man with a song in his eyes
He strolls though a meadow with flowers and bees
and hears the worlds music that comes from the trees
the breeze rustles branches
and birds sing their songs
as the strolling magical man hums along

The name of this man may sound quite erratic
but the sound of his name makes the people ecstatic
because they all know that he leads the band
the band that spreads harmony throughout the land
his full name is Slaphappy Flippyfive Blort
but his friends call him Slappity Five for short

The magical thing about Slappity Five
is the way he can make the whole world come alive
with the songs that he plays with the greatest of ease
with the frogs and the bees
and the skies and the trees
and anyone else who the song might please

Slappity Five is a sight to behold
with his ear to ear smiles and colorful clothes
He comes from a place where they all understand
that the frogs and the bees
and the skies and the trees
and the magical man all play in the band
The Super Galactic Fantastic World Band

Slappity Five has a long way to go
before he arrives at the village of ”Glow”
where he’ll do a fine jig
for the little and big
and he’ll play a new tune
with the sun and the moon
and the farmers and bakers
and all music makers
who are there for his fantastic show

So the people that live under rainbow skies
are packing their lutes and their flutes and fruit pies
and preparing to sing and to feast and to dance
and fall under the spell of Slappity’s trance
that reminds them to see
that we all should be
a part of the song of the earth and the sea

Slappity came to a mountain of granite
that poked through the clouds of the fantastic planet
and cast its long shadow across a short man
who had gathered a stick and some string and a can
Slappity said “Hello my good man!
What’s with the stick and the string and the can?”
The short man replied, “I had planned to use it
to build a device I can use to play music.
I‘ve thought very hard but I haven’t arrived
at a method to bring this contraption alive.
Slappity beamed,” Never fear my good man,
we can arrive at a masterful plan
So, wipe that frown from your wonderful face,
With these things you’ve found, we can fashion a bass!”

Slappity slapped the contraption together
and made it look nice with a flower and feather
and said with a grin, “There, the working is done!
And now it is time for the music and fun!”

He looked the bass over and gave it a strum
with his musical fingers and slappity thumb
he played the short man a remarkable lick
on the bass made of string and a can and a stick.
The short man said, “Sir, I’ve been thinking awhile
and based on the size of your ear to ear smile
and the way that you made this device come alive
I’d say you’re the magical Slappity Five!”

“That’s right my good fellow, the one and the same,
and I’d be quite honored to know your name”,
Slappity beamed as he held up his hand
The short man replied, “I am Buster Phunkman.”
And he raised his short hand way up to the sky
And Slappity gave him the highest high five.

“I’m traveling west to the village of Glow”
said Slappity Five with a grin.
I’m going to sing, and I’m going to dance,
and if you would like, then this is your chance
to join me and learn to how to play your new bass
made of string and a stick and a can
and when we arrive, then you’ll be a part of my
Super Galactic Fantastic World Band

“I’d like nothing more than to travel your way
on this most wonderful sunshiny day”,
Buster replied as he picked up his things.
Then they started to walk
and they started to sing
and the world joined along in their musical show
as they walked through the world
towards the village of Glow

They hiked through green forests
with redwoods and ferns
and journeyed through valleys
where whitewaters churn
they traveled through jungles
with songs in the trees
and found a wide staircase
that rose through the leaves.

“We’ve come a long way through the world on our feet,
and now it is time to stop and to eat!”
Slappity said as he ran up the stairs
and plopped at the top in a marvelous chair
that sat by a table on which sat a plate
of colorful fruit, so Slappity ate.
Buster was slower, but soon came along
And found Mister Five surrounded by throngs
of smiley tree people that seemed quite impressed
with the arrival of such a spectacular guest.
They sang and they danced all over the place
but Slappity spotted an unhappy face
on a small little girl who was hiding from view
while frowning and holding a stick of bamboo

Slappity pushed his way through the crowd
And spoke in a voice much more quiet than loud
“How could an angel as pretty as you
be frowning while holding that stick of bamboo?”
The girl replied only by raising her hand
that held the bamboo with which she had planned
to make a fine flute, so that she could play
a tune before Slappity Five went away.
Slappity beamed, ”Let’s take this bamboo,
and make a magnificent flute just for you
I can do it right now, it won’t take too long
and then you can play me your wonderful song!”

As Slappity spoke, her frown disappeared
And became a huge grin that stretched ear to ear
He whittled and carved with the greatest of care
And when he was done, he rose from his chair
and said with a grin, “There, the working is done!
And now it is time for the music and fun!”
He looked the flute over, then gave it a blow
With a smile that went from his head to his toes
then played the sweet girl a remarkable lick
on the flute made with love from a bamboo stick.

In the tiniest voice, the small girl exclaimed
“I’m so very happy you finally came!
I made up a song on a small bamboo flute
so I could perform when you stopped for our fruit
but while I rehearsed in my favorite tree
I dropped the small flute and it bounced off my knee
I finally found it way down on the ground
But the flute was unable to make any sound
I tried to repair it with all of my might,
but it was a horrible mess
then you came along, and saved the day.
I hope my new song’s a success!”

The girl took the flute and she started to play
and the tree people smiled and started to sway
then Slappity Five reached down in his pack
and pulled out a drum and he gave it a whack
and dum diddy dum, he started a beat
and Buster the bassist jumped to his feet
He picked up his bass and he joined in the song
and the birds and the crickets followed along
The world was alive with the wonderful ditty
and the girl was the star of the happy tree city.

A light seemed to twinkle in Slappity’s eye
he wiped off his brow and he let out a sigh
“You, my young girl, are blessed and sweet
and hearing your song was a wonderful treat.
Tell me your name while I sit down to rest.”
Her tiny voice answered “Melody Quest”
she raised her short hand way up to the sky
and Slappity gave her the highest high five.

“We’re traveling west to the village of Glow”
said Slappity Five with a grin.
“We’re going to sing, and we’re going to dance,
and if you would like, then this is your chance
to come and to share your wonderful song
with everyone across the land
and if you agree, then you’ll be a part of my
Super Galactic Fantastic World Band”

“I’d like nothing more than to travel your way
on this most wonderful sunshiny day”,
Melody said as he picked up her things.
Then they started to walk and they started to sing
and the world joined along in their musical show
as they walked through the world
towards the village of Glow

Jive Bruthas

In 1998, my brutha Shane was playin music with a friend of ours who's got a gnarly set of pipes…..the boy can sing. Shane taught him some songs he had written, and Jeremiah reciprocated with some songs of his own. They would sit around and jam, and now and again they’d play at open-mike night at a local venue. Shane invited me out to his cabin a few times to jam, and I lugged my equipment out there and had a fine time learnin new tunes and playing the bass. Jeremiah rented a practice studio downtown, which allowed us to play really loud and not bump into each other. It was fun. They started talking to friends and neighbors about starting a band, and then one day I showed up to the studio to find a whole band full of musicians waiting to jam. We did, and a band was born. I instantly clicked with the drummer, and I realized in no time, that I could make up a Lonster style bassline to any tune someone could write. New songs started flowing and we were all havin a blast so we decided to get a gig. Some friends in another band invited us to open up for them one night at The Dart Room, so we figured we better name the band. We all made a list of names and brought them to practice one night. Slartibartfast, and Stiff the Midwife were popular choices, but we ended up deciding on Jive Market. We kicked out the whiny-ass lead guitar player and played a slightly awkward, but fine first gig. That was 5 years ago. Since then, we lost a guitar player to suicide, which was obviously a very sad and trying time for all of us, and we lost our trumpet player to another band, but we’ve probably played a hundred gigs since we got started. We’ve had huge nights where everyone was bouncing off the walls, and dancing, and screaming, and having the time of their lives, and we’ve had nights where we outnumbered the people in the club. The best part is that we still get together every week and work on new songs, play old songs, improvise, talk smack, hang out and have fun. We are all friends, and we like what we do, and that’s what its all about. I can’t play as fast as I did during the Insanity era, but now I’ve got a groove that was totally absent from my playing back then. Sometimes I still play like I’m doing an Iron Maiden tune, but it turns out that that style kicks butt when you stink it up with an air of funk. My only point? My musical trials and tribulations have culminated in a brand new bag of fun that I get to enjoy every time I play the bass, and the most satisfying part is that I have no aspirations whatsoever, except to play and have fun when I’m supposed to, because I like to. It is Zen, it is beautiful, and I love it.

Thats all I got to say 'bout that

Satan's Virus

For the past 4 days I wondered if I would live or die. It started off pretty innocently, a sneeze here, a sniffle there, but before I knew what was going on, I was a writhing mass of fever and phlegm. I went to bed at 5:00 Monday night to sleep it off. The next morning I fooled myself into getting up and going to work. Big Mistake. I was going through Kleenex like a 10 year old girl at a booby convention. I left work before lunch and got back in bed, that’s when the adventures began…..I was freezing, but finally I shivered myself to sleep. I dreamt I was in a massive cavern that glowed with its own green light. Green flames rose from someplace deep in the labyrinth and burned the backs of my eyes. The air was hot, and it burned my nose, it burned my lungs, it burned my throat. I searched for a way out to get relief from the scorching flames. When I finally woke, I was burning up and soaked with sweat. I didn’t know up from down. Was I on my back, or my stomach? I flailed around until the blankets were off, and then I passed out again. I was back in the cavern. This time, the wind sucked all the heat out of my body and left me in a frozen heap. I woke up and my skin was crawling, my teeth were chattering and every hair was standing on end. I pulled the blankets back on and this cycle continued for the next 36 hours or so. I’ve had the flu many times in my life, but this was a granddaddy flu from hell. This was the kind of flu that kills people. I’ve never had an illness that came with dreams before. Finally last night, I was in the green cavern when a hole seemed to open up above me. (This isn’t an embellishment, I really dreamed it.) I could see blue sky through the opening, and all at once, my body lifted up and hurled itself through the hole. When I passed through the opening, I was floating above a giant sea of crystal clear waters that seemed to go on infinitely in all directions. I cruised above it at a high rate of speed, then woke up in a sweat soaked pile of my own mortality. It was a profound awakening. Even though I still felt like crap, I knew the worst had passed. I hope no one else gets this crap, cuz it’s bad…..real bad….