The Gates of Hell

I have the urge to post something, but I don't have the urge to write anything.
That being said, heres an old post from February 2004.

The Gates of Hell

As the band arrived for practice last night, Jeremiah informed us that there was an evil 6-toed cat presently occupying the studio. We lugged our equipment in, and started setting up. When I leaned over the couch to plug my amp into the wall outlet, I saw the cute kitty cat curled into a fluffy ball. I struggled to maneuver the plug into the poorly lit outlet behind the couch, when suddenly, the fluffy kitty hurled its crazy body towards my fumbling arm. His mouth was open unnaturally wide, like a cobra striking with its jaw unhinged. Its claws were extended and it emitted an ungodly scream. The cat, (we’ll call it Satan) stopped short, then turned around and bolted like a demon through the labyrinth formed by various pieces of furniture and equipment to find a new hiding place. He did…. and for a while, we forgot about the cat. A few minutes later, we heard a new sound. It was like the squealing hinges on the gates of hell. As the gates opened wider, the painful sounds of eternal damnation overtook the squeal of the un-oiled hinges, and chills ran up our spines. It was Satan, he was behind the guitar amp now. Satan had entered the studio in a cat-carrier, and Jeremiah decided that perhaps Satan would be more comfortable and less threatening if he was in a quieter place. He approached Satan, and the gates of hell were thrown wide open. Satans wings unfurled as he took flight. He ran under, over, and through everything in the room leaving a pentagram of fury and cat-hair in his wake. Jeremiah finally got his hands on Satan, who dug his teeth and claws as deep as possible into Jeremiahs mortal flesh. He chewed and scratched and attempted to kill Jeremiah with all his might. But Jeremiah would not be beaten. Finally, he was banished to the cat-carrier, and removed from the studio. Jeremiah returned with streams of blood running down his hands and arms, and skin flapping from his hands and fingers. He cleaned his bloody wounds and sat down to gather his wits.
Satans master then entered the room, angry as hell, because Jeremiah was “mean” to Satan….. Jeremiah banished him too……….